Why can’t I use the bathroom by myself?!? You know what I mean…just 1 minute (literally) to do my business. But, no, as soon as I disappear my kids immediately notice and an emergency ensues…”MMMMOOOOOOMMMMM!?!?”
On the flip side, my husband (whom my kids adore), can weave in and out of the room virtually unnoticed and spend HOWEVER LONG HE WANTS in the bathroom…with no interruptions.
I know we are not the only household who operates like this. I’ve talked to MANY friends who have the same beef with their kids — Why can’t I have a little privacy?!?
So, a few nights ago, I was venting my frustrations to my oh-so-understanding husband and sharing my deep jealousy for his ability to have some space. In my inability to filter what I was saying, I blurted out, “Why do they like me? I’m so mean to them.”
Now, before you judge me…I’m not mean in the literal meaning of the word. Just — impatient, a little angry (ok, maybe more than a little sometimes), selfish, have unrealistic expectations — you get the drift.
After asking me why I was mean (and me giving the above examples), I promised him that I was trying to do better.
My husband’s response was oh, so wise :: “It’s not a matter of trying, Carrie. This is about changing your heart.”
Ouch, enter hurt pride. He said it in the most loving, sincere way and I knew he was right.
My problem isn’t my behavior — instead, it’s my heart. I’m relying on my own strength, my own abilities, my own self to conquer this inadequacy. When, in reality, I MUST rely on the Lord of the Universe who created me…just as I am. My imperfections are not a weakness, but rather a need for a Savior. You see, if any of us were perfect, we wouldn’t need Jesus.
Emmanuel — God is with us. He’s walking with me, helping me, caring for me. When I screw up, get impatient, and lose it because I can’t use the bathroom alone, he is there to give me the strength I need to make it out of my darkest places.
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
I don’t know if this is a struggle for you. Maybe instead you struggle with trust, or pride, or self-image, or perfection, or “fill in the blank.” We all struggle. And, thankfully, we all have a SAVIOR who walks every step of every day with us. Not beside, or in front, or behind — with you. Let’s live like it. Let’s trust Him with everything — even the little, seems insignificant things. Because maybe, just maybe, in those moments we will find God there. We will feel His strength and know that He cares about every detail of our lives.