it’s okay to not be okay

Posted by Kelsey Adams on

It’s okay to not be okay
This is a safe place
This is a safe place
Don’t be afraid
Don’t be ashamed
There’s still hope here
There’s still hope here

No matter what you’ve done or who you are
Everyone is welcome His arms

Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
Then exhale
Exhale

 

I just want to bathe in those lyrics. Plumb nailed it.     *If you haven’t heard this song yet, listen to it here.

Life is hard.  I’m a hot mess.  Let’s be honest for a second…
I have rewashed the laundry in the washer 4 times now because I’m too strung out to remember to switch it over.  Ok, really 7 times, but 4 sounded better.  Don’t judge me.

I just knocked over an Arnold Palmer in my car that I purchased and failed to finish LAST WEEK.  So now the stench in my car smells like that deer spray you put on your plants to keep the deer away.  I seriously can’t drive without the windows down even after my loving, patient husband scrubbed the carpet with resolve.

I am constantly “mentally” replying to text messages only to realize days later that I never really typed a reply…days later when my friends and family text me AGAIN.  Good thing they have learned not to take it personally.

Some days I think, “Lord, what in the world are you thinking asking me to start Etch with a 2-year-old and a 2 month old?  Really, now?  I can barely take care of them, let alone get a shower in every other day, or have the capacity to ask my sweet husband how he’s doing before passing out on my pillow.”

Plumb - Exhale (Official Music Video)

But, this is exactly where He wants me…humble, broken, empty…because here He can raise me up, heal me, fill me.  Most days I can’t comprehend His grace.  I have a hard enough time extending it to my family, and those around me.  How can He possibly want to continue to extend it to me…to lavish it on me?

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace which He lavished on us.” Ephesians 1.7–8

Because of His love there is grace.  Because of His grace, there is still hope.

“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”  Romans 8.28

There is hope knowing that only Jesus was perfect and though God wants us to pursue righteousness, perfection will never be attainable.  Trying to control that and operate in my own strength without depending on his love and grace will only distance me from Him.  If you and I have accepted and proclaim Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, and love Him, then we are called according to His purpose and HE will work all things out for GOOD.  Trusting Him can be difficult, but you can’t build trust without first trusting.  And you can’t trust if you don’t rely on Him at some point.

Let’s be honest.  I HAVE to rely on Him, or I wouldn’t make it most days.  And I am thankful that He doesn’t only allow it, but He desires it.  Just like I desire for my girls, and my husband, and my dear friend and new mom down the street to rely on me.

Oh God we breathe in your grace
We breathe in your grace
And exhale
Oh God we do not exist for us
But to share Your grace and love
And exhale

I WANT to breath Him in, and I DESIRE to share His grace and love with those around me.  This is the root of where Etch was born from- deep in my heart.  But I can’t keep up, I can’t do it separately from Him- in my own strength.  I am really writing this for myself today, but I have a hunch that you might need this reminder too.  Press in.  Etch the promises of this song and His word on your heart- so that when you start to feel like you’re falling apart, or you’re drowning, you can recall what He says about you and to you.  Because in all of this, He is glorified, and that’s what we’re after.

Just let go let His love wrap around you
And hold you close
Get lost in the surrender
Breathe it in until your heart breaks
Then exhale
Exhale
Exhale
Exhale
Exhale

 

His love never fails.

-Kelsey

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