not sure how to feel

Emotions are a funny thing.  They can ebb and flow like the waves of an ocean.  That’s probably the best way to describe me right now.

Here I sit…the day before my kids start another year of school.  My baby starts Kindergarten, my middle – 3rd grade, and my oldest is 5th — the final year of elementary school.

I have a wave of emotions.  Parts of me are so excited… My husband and I can drop the kids off every morning and then head to Starbucks for a morning date –  It frees up more time for me to focus on ETCH and getting responsibilities done, so I can be more focused when the kids are home.  And, my kids are so ready for school.  They love it — it’s like our second family.

The other parts of me are sad.  Like…how in the world did I get here!?! Wasn’t it yesterday I was experiencing sleepless nights and covered in baby drool?  I remember taking my girls on walks in the mornings only to get home and realize it was only 7:30am.  But, where did those days go?


When I was in the midst of those days, each one would drag.  I would watch the clock and wait for my husband to walk through the door to provide back-up.  I longed for the day when my kids could get themselves dressed and fix their own PBJ sandwich.

Well, here I am.  I sleep through the night.  My kids can all make their own lunches and get themselves dressed.  And, while I don’t really want to go back to “those” days, it does make me miss them.  For just a moment, I would love to kiss those squishy cheeks and hear their sweet little voices.

I feel God calling me to be courageous in the midst of this season.  I don’t want to live in regret and long for the days of the past.  Instead, I want to cherish the moment.  I want to praise God for how He is working in the lives of my kids and enjoy the now.  Today is all that is guaranteed.  So, missing the past and longing for the future will only make me miss what is right here in front of me.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4, 6 MSG

There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth: …A right time to cry and another to laugh, A right time to lament and another to cheer…A right time to hold on and another to let go…

I don’t know what your world looks like.  Maybe your kids are grown, maybe you still have littles at home or maybe you are single.  Whatever stage you are in, take a deep breath and cherish it.  Don’t wish it away.  Don’t long for something different.  While today may seem long, the years are so short and I promise you it will be gone sooner than you think.

So, if you see me around town tomorrow, I may have a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.  Because you see, that’s the range of emotions I feel.  I’m thankful for the road God has taken my family on and I’m excited for what He has for us in the future.  But, right now I’m going to cherish today…

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