Ever since I was a little girl, motherhood was something that I longed for. I’d play house with my dolls and at all my play dates with my girlfriends. I knew it was God’s plan for me to be a mother. Once I met my husband, one of our first conversations was about motherhood and how we both wanted children and wanted to raise them at home. He, the youngest of five, and I, the youngest of three, agreed that four children would be the perfect number. Now, fast forward eleven years…things change, life happens, and God has HIS plan for us.
I go by many names — Mom, Lauren, Auntie Elle, Nicholas’ Mom, Owen’s Mom — all of which I answer proudly to. Currently, I am a wife to Mike, a mother to Owen and Nicholas, and 30 weeks pregnant with our daughter Penelope. A daughter I never in a million years thought I would have. I didn’t think it was in God’s plans for us. My husband and I were so very happy with our little family of four. The boys had gotten to that “golden stage” where they were both out of diapers, both in full-day school, and on their way to becoming independent little boys.
Then it all changed. First with Mike. He mentioned a few times how much he missed having a sweet baby in the house. Then, a girlfriend of mine told me she had a VERY realistic dream of me pregnant with a little girl. I dismissed both with — “I’m good. I’m so happy. I really feel like our family is complete.”
HA! God had another idea. HIS plan, remember, I really should know this by now. I am not in control.
Not too long after these conversations, the boys started asking for a sister. Now, this really made me think — maybe a baby would complete our family. And that’s when I started warming up to the idea.
It didn’t take much warming up for me. I started praying and asking if this is the right thing for our family. I mean, I LOVE babies, being pregnant, nursing, and all things mom. BUT, I’m not as young as I was eight years ago with my first pregnancy. Is this really what God wants for me? Yes, it is.
And I’m so glad I listened.
When Carrie at EtchLife asked me to share what’s been weighing on my heart with motherhood, I’d be lying if I said nothing about Nicholas. He is transitioning from being the baby to being the middle child. He is my free-spirited child who is my little buddy, my companion. I pray that he’s going to adjust like every other middle child. I pray that being 4 years older than Penelope will make a difference and he won’t get lost in the crazy haze of three kids. At this point all I can do is give it to God and love him gigantically.
In the last 30 weeks, I have seen our little family grow in ways I never imagined. The boys are so proud of their baby sister and tell everyone about her growing in my belly. Mike, with his tender heart, could explode with the thought of walking her down the aisle on her wedding day. He reminds me when I start to feel uncomfortable with pregnancy, that she’s always going to be my best friend. He is right. They are all right. God is right. Penelope hasn’t even been born and she has already impacted our family in the best ways.
In a few short weeks Penelope will be here and we will be a complete family of three kiddos, three dogs, and two of the luckiest parents. Everyday I pray to God and thank him for my blessings and for my challenges that make me grow and learn to be a better mother, friend, and wife. Lastly, I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be a mother to these three beautifully, wonderful children.